As the election heats up, so does the squabbling. It spreads from the candidates, to their PACs, to their parties, to their supporters. Or is it the other way around? I’m not too sure most of the time. But as it goes we need to always remember to take a step back and take a deep breath. And what do you do with that deep breath? You LAUGH. So just in case you need a little help in that department, read these great political jokes and remember to lighten up a bit.
1) The debate between the two candidates was getting heated with lots of quips and snide comments back and forth. Finally one candidate in exasperation yelled out:
“What are you going to do about air pollution?”
The other candidate replied:
“Keep my mouth shut!”
2) A little kid asked to his dad at bedtime, “Do most fairy tales start with ‘Once Upon a Time?'” The dad replied, “No, most of them start with, ‘If elected, I will…'”
3) “Are you a member of any organized political party?” “No. Im a Republican.”
4) A Congressman was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey. “If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then Im against it.” “But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then Im for it.” “This is my final position, and I will not compromise!”
5) A tourist climbed out of his car in downtown Washington, DC. He saw a man standing near the curb, and asked, “Listen, Im going to be only a couple of minutes. Would you watch my car while I run into this store?” “What?” the man huffed. “Do you realize that I am a member of the United States Senate?” “Well no,” the tourist said, “I didnt realize that. But listen, Im really in a bind so Im going to have to trust you anyway.”
6) Q: How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: Four, one to change it and the other three to deny it.
7) Q: How many helicopters does it take for White House aides to go play a round of golf?A: Depends on how many were photographed.
If you’ve got some good ones please share them. Remember, time is running out for politics to be funny – we’ve only got 15 days left!